Considering the balmy spring weather we've been having in Happy Valley.... at the beginning of February!... "Here Comes the Sun" seemed like an appropriate choice for this week. However, this song has extra meaning for me right now besides the unseasonal warmth. That extra meaning's name is Colin.
When I came to college, I was bound and determined that I wanted to be single as long as possible. Why? It's simple. Relationships suck. Maintaining such a close and personal connection with one person is really hard. Being in a relationship means small issues turn into HUGE arguments. It means attending to someone else's needs in a "Baby, are you okay? You seem really distant" kind of way. It means having someone check up on you, someone always knowing where you are and what you're doing. It means stifling feelings of jealousy that shamefully creep up when your significant other hugs his ex from high school or dances with somebody else at a party. It means a detachment from the outside world and the loss of opportunities to meet new people. It means constantly wondering if you're making the wrong choice and asking, "What if someone better is out there?" Six months ago, heck, one month ago for that matter, a relationship to me was something I wanted a few years down the road, something that right now, during my freshman year of college, would be more of an annoyance and a set-back than anything else.
My first semester I held strong to these admittedly shallow and bull-headed values. After all, I think of myself as a pretty independent person, and I had a great time doing whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it. I met boys, I got to know them, and whenever they wanted to come out of the "friend zone" and develop something more with me, I pulled away. All was well. Then second semester rolled around, and I met Colin.
I actually met Colin first semester. He lives in my building. We were fairly good friends last fall, and I definitely recognized that he was, well, really cute. I never thought about him as anything more than a good friend, though, until all of a sudden we were spending all of our time together. He taught me to ski. I taught him to play the piano. We spent hours listening to music together and marveling at the fact that we like all of the same artists. We went to parties together. We went ice skating. Over dinner one night, I realized that I was actually starting to like this boy... me, who used to cringe at the thought of being dependent on another person! I couldn't explain what was happening, but suddenly I was happy all the time, I was talking about this guy to anyone who would listen (until they began to roll their eyes and/or make retching noises). I just wanted to scream, "Here comes the sun!" Even though I never thought the sun was missing before, I realized I had been out in the cold. Now, I'm admitting to myself that "that ice is slowly melting." Now, I know that "It's all right," to let myself fall for somebody, that I can commit to another person and still be independent. That I can still do whatever I want, whenever I want, but with somebody by my side. I'm still the same happy person I was before, but now I have someone to share that happiness with.
"Sun, sun sun, here it comes."
Go you! I love how you associated the song to your love life, that's so adorable--I feel like every relationship needs a song like this;happy, positive to keep the relationship as joy-filled as you have!
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